...the little children...

"Red and Yellow, Black and White..."

What Do I Know of Holy?

I am in love with this song by Addison Road. I had heard it once on the radio, but my friend Sara asked me about it today and we listened to it again. It instantly brought me back down to a place of being broken and humble. The lyrics are so true of my life. The last few weeks the group that I am going to Haiti with in July has been playing a question/answer game on facebook. It's been so much fun getting to know my teammates this way. I have a much better idea about each of them. Their hurts, struggles and pains and also their joys and strengths. It's been a great time! Anyway, the point of telling you that is not just to rub in how cool they are (which they are ;) lol) but to bring up last week's question. I still have not answered it, partially because I wasn't able to keep up with the thread as it became overwhelmingly large very quickly. And partially because I *didn't have to time to* (*=laaaame excuse). Here is the jist of the question for last week (asked by our leader)...
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"Forget everything I have told you. I still do not want you to have expectations on this trip, but be open to the Spirit's leading and understand it is God's agenda and not ours.
A. That being said, if you COULD determine the outcome of this trip, what would you consider a successful trip?
We all have expectations even though we don't usually verbally express them. So,
B. What are you hoping to accomplish on this trip. It may be something you want to do for the Haitians, it may be something you hope will happen in your life, or both. Be honest."
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The first part of the question I don't have trouble answering at all. I don't have expectations other than just building relationships with the Haitians and allowing those relationships to grow. That we will be able to share our faith and only source of joy and hope with them. That they will in turn cling to faith and grow in it, showing others (I guess that also answers the first part of the second question). But, for some reason the second part of the last question was harder for me to answer. Obviously I want it to affect me somehow. I honestly don't think you could take a trip there and not be affected by it in one way or another. But I still didn't have my answer, I wasn't sure what exactly to hope for or what I wanted to happen in my life. Each trip has been do different and affected me so differently. But, I knew when I heard this song and read the lyrics. So much of it brought me back down to a place of humility. I feel like it speaks exactly for me when answering the question what I hope to accomplish. Here are the lyrics...

What Do I Know of Holy? by Addison Road
I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

(CHORUS 2)
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?


I want to come out of this trip more broken than I was going in. To be so much in awe of Him. I see so much beauty in the Haitians, Christ's love for them. But still, so much of my life is lived out like the first part of the second verse. Sometimes I think I have Him figured out. I know what to talk about, and can sing about how He is might to save. But what do I really know about that? If I think I have it all figured out, then they are empty words, they're not His words, but my words. If He tried to speak through someone else in Haiti to me, would I recognize it? This last year I feel like I have been so stretched in my faith and grown so much, but I've allowed myself to become arrogant in that. To the point where I allow myself to think I know the answers, but like she says, "What Do I Know of Holy?" Nothing! I feel like I can't even express my answer to the question completely...but that these lyrics speak them for me. I hope that this makes sense! At this point I feel like I'm just rambling! Hope you enjoy the song and that it speaks to you.

Haiti Trip Theme Song???

Hey my fellow July 2009 trippers (and those who are not on the trip!) I was listening to this song today and decided it should be our trip theme song :) I loooooove the lyrics, and really pray that this is how I represent Christ in Haiti. Just a random thought! Listen to it!




Go Hard Lyrics:
Hook:
Go Hard or Go Home(2xs)
Lord Use Me Up(2xs)

Verse 1:
(Lecrae)
Lord kill me If I don't preach the gospel
I'm still in my 20's- but I'll die if I got to
Already dead- so forget my flesh
I done been crossed over see the full court press
I'm a full court mess if the Lord don't use me/
Running from my trials thinkin everythangs groovy
If the Cross don't move me then I don't wanna breath no mo/
If I aint seeing Christ potna I dont wanna see no mo
Rep every day withouth worrying about bruising
I been to china mayne I seen some real persecution
If U didn't know em would ya life look the same
Can they tell you value Jesus by the way you rep his name?
man what's the point of living if Im living for myself
Lord empty out my life before I put you on the shelf So for God I got Hard I dont' wanna die tonight/ It's too many people living who aint heard about my Christ
Go Hard or Go Home(2xs)
Lord Use Me Up(2xs)

Verse 2:
(Lecrae)
Went to Asia had to duck and hide-for Sharin my faith
They tell me water it downwhen I get back to states
[ Lecrae Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
They say tone the music down you might sell a lot a records
But it's people out here dying and none of em heard the message
Took my wifey on mission trip - central america
Shared her testimony 40 people stood and stared at her
When she said Jesus shoulda seen it was insane cause 40 out of 40 never heard of Jesus name/ Aw mayne we aint focused on the war we just kickin it/ worried bout our image and our space up on the internet// take me out the game coach/ I don't wanna play no mo/ If cant give it all I got and leave it out there on the court/ Thank you for the Grace for the will and the desire/ got me living for your glory stead of living to retire/ But I pray I'll never tire of Going hard for Messiah/I don't need no motivation You the reason I'm inspired.

Verse 3:
(Tedashii)
Go Hard/Go Home, Go Hard/ Go Home/
That's what that is baby/that what that mean/that what that mean/
That what That is baby/That what that mean/that what that mean/
Wha-What that mean?/
That mean that we, should be out up in ok streets/
Not just in houses with our bible's summrizing what we read/
Man this aint deep (man this aint deep)/why we aint doing what we read/
Its like we sleep (its like we sleep)/
But sinners sleepwalk when they sleep/
So why can't we (so why can't we)/the redeemed of the LORD/
Act out, what He said/and make a scene for the LORD/
Action-cut, say what, like we was the director/
But you better get a Grip like movie sets, and get to stepping/(Martin)
I know you done it/da-done it, da-done-and heard it all
You was going hard for the Lord before you heard this song/
But don't play yourself to save ya self/and walk in fear/
Scripture's like a mirror/the truth is closer than it appears/

Even here at home...Go Hard...Lord USE ME UP!

Hope you're all having blessed days!

Been toooooo Long!

I can't believe how long its been since the last time I posted! Things have been crazy, but I will be updating more often! This week I'm staying at my dear dear friends Nate and Brenda's watching kids/house sitting? lol They just left about 30 minutes ago for Haiti (jealous...yeah!! hehe)! I will be helping the kids hold down the fort while they are gone. Please pray for safe and timely travels for them, and that the trip will go smoothly (yeah right, it's Haiti :) hehe degage!). Seriously though they are in our prayers!! Please keep them in mind! I will be posting everyday with updates for them about the kids and house and just because I want to :) Follow their blog to see how their trip is going!

Hope you are all having a fabulous weekend! God bless!!

Please Pray

Hey all...I just got some devastating news this morning. My new friends Juska and Jona were 8 months pregnant for their first child and lost it last night. I'm not sure how or what happened. But please keep them and their family in your prayers. It's so so awful.

I will keep you posted when I find out more.
Just sucks.

Praying...

Cool Dude

This little guy is Jerry! He lives at Bercy Orphanage in Haiti, which we visit just about every time that we are down there. Jerry is my favorite kid there, mostly because he stole my heart the first time we came to Bercy.

Jerry was found in an abandon hut by a passerby as an infant. They brought him to Bercy, and the staff wasn't even sure that he would make it he was so malnourished. They had no idea how long he was in the hut by himself, but it appeared to be quite a little while. Jerry's story will forever be ingrained in my mind. I couldn't wrap my mind around it when I heard it. I hated leaving him when it came time for us to leave the orphanage. Thankfully our ammmmaaazing group leader (brownie points bossman?? ;) haha) lets us make visits while we are there. This video is from when we were down there in July, but we taught him "cool dude" and "peace" when we were there over a year ago :) He still remembers it and us, which I love! Please pray for Jerry. Him and so many other boys and girls like him suffer everyday.



I love him!!! Have a blessed day!!

Open and Closed Doors

“Do the best you can where you are, and when that is accomplished, God will open a door for you..."
~Henry Ward Beecher

Another Article

Here is another article link that she sent to me. This article is also touching, I would encourage you to read it as well!

I am a Son of Haiti By Tim McDaniel

signing off - a fellow daughter of Haiti :)

Heart to Heart

This article was sent to me by a very close friend of mine, who thought it would be of interest and importance to me. Ooh boy was she right! This article says so many things that I wish I had the words for so many times in the past. This story is so incredibly relevant to me and so many others I know. I feel that in a very big way it also tells my story. It's a story about this place I love called Haiti. Please take the time to read the article below, I will warn you it brought me to tears!

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A World of Contradictions By Elora Ramirez

The summer after my senior year of high school, I had the privilege of going to Haiti on a mission trip. Even though that was over five years ago, I can still feel the captivating pull of the lush and beautiful jungle. To this day, I still am processing what happened to me in that small country most people only know through news reports. I have tried numerous times to sit down and let my mind wander back to the people who stole my heart. Each time is met with frustration or words that mean so little compared to my experiences. How can I write about a country I know very little about? How can I condense a lifetime of lessons into one cohesive blurb? What is left with these questions is just an overarching desire to try.

First things first, this is not an attempt to prove to you that I am an expert on Haitian culture and the politics of a country in turmoil. This is an attempt to share, however briefly, the knowledge I gained while experiencing a culture so rich yet so different from my own.

What I know about Haiti is the rain that produces rivers down the dirt roads and feeds into the huts of the locals. What I know about Haiti is the enigmatic pull of beautiful wasteland of Jolli Gilbert. The bustling of school children, running down the sidewalk with matching pastel polo shirts and hand-me-down bottoms, captures my attention. Their laughter ricochets off the dilapidated tin-roof homes, and I smile. One of the children stops mid-stride and looks at the dirt. He begins exclaiming something in a language I can’t understand, but the other children turn in haste and run back towards him. Looking closely, you can see what has demanded their attention. A small butterfly sits quietly on a lone rock—the brilliant colors of its wings a stark contrast to the dirt surrounding it.

I will find that this is what Haiti is full of—contradictions.

I stare out the window of the rusty truck wondering about these children.
How long does it take them to walk the five miles home from school? What do they worry about? Do they have a family? When was the last time they were hugged?

Many of my questions are answered the next day as the children speak to me in their stilted mix of English and Creole about what they do for fun.

One of the girls who is particularly fond of my light skin and blonde hair just sits in my laps and stares. Feeling the intensity of her rich eyes, I look down, smile and she beams with an uncertain familiarity.

Grabbing my face with both of her hands, she whispers, “beyotiful” and wraps me in the tightest hug I’ve received in awhile; our portrait a black and white image of purity and innocence.

I soon find that these children are the most genuine people I have ever met. In their stained T-shirts that have holes from too much wear, the kids find covering—not style. In friendships they possess a solidarity and community that far outweighs Americans’ tendency of keeping each other at arms’ length. When these precious children sing, they sing with the joy of being alive.

They are just that—alive.

Haiti, in all its tragedy and deconstruction, is where I was transformed. When asked to pinpoint a significant turning point in my life, I always reference Haiti. It is here that I believe I lost my innocence. However, it is in this country with rich heritage and beautiful strength that I found myself.

What I remember about Haiti is not the men walking down the street with machine guns, but the women walking with their children—bright smiles echoing off the darkness around them. What I remember about Haiti is not the marketplace full of beggars, but the marketplace full of bright possibilities in the shape of tropical fruit, paintings and jewelry crafted with the hope of a new beginning.

Haiti is more than just the 30-second update the press feeds us. It is a land that has permeated my senses. I still smell the morning dew glistening on the banana leaves. I still feel the coarseness of rocks digging into my skin as I knelt down to talk to the children. I still taste the saltiness of goatskin, a delicacy that was given for our company. I still hear the sweet sounds of worship coming from the lips of believers that truly define faith in action. But most of all, I still see the eyes of those I came in contact with. Tired. Broken. Waiting. Hoping.

A world of contradictions bottled up into a tiny gaze.

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Ok, so go grab your Kleenex and start praying. We're not done with Haiti yet. :)

Haiti Friends

Here are a few more pictures from my last trip to Haiti this past July. These are a few of my friends from down there, all of which I miss a ton! Pray for all of them. They are all doing things for the Lord, and are under attack just like us.

Mickenson and Paige

Renald and Son

Tori and Mickenson

Me, Tipap, Paige, Tori, Mickenson, Esaie

Tori, Paige, Mickenson, Esaie

Mickenson, Esaie, Tipap

Tori is not from Haiti (although she wishes she was ;) hehe) she is a friend that has gone on quite a few of the trips with me. Paige is one of the daughters of Troy and Tara Livesay who are the missionaries that we know from down there. Tipap, Mickenson, and Esaie all worked at the mission compound that we stayed at down there. They are from the village of LaDigue and are a lot of fun to hang around with. Renald and Son (pronounced Soan) were two of our translators for VBS in July. We got to know them while we were down there and they are good friends too.
I miss them all!

Video from the July Haiti Trip

This is a video from our last trip to Haiti in July. It is one of my favorites from the trip! Our friend Tipap is hosing the kids down that were standing outside of the gate. They are so animated and giggly that it makes me laugh!

The story behind this is that the night before we had been having a water balloon fight inside the gate. We kept throwing water balloons over the gate (it was closed) at the kids who were standing there and we laughed every time we heard them shriek with laughter (ok ok so more than once we were actually getting cussed out...but it didn't stop it from being funny :) haha). Eventually they got smart and started throwing water back at us by filling up buckets at the pump outside. One of the times that they meant to throw water over someone accidentally let go of the bucket and it came sailing over the gate along with the water! We all laughed really hard at this, and even harder when we heard the unison "AWWWWWWWW" from the kids on the other side at loosing some of their ammunition. It was a fun night! But we were surprised the next morning at how eager these kids were at getting hosed down. It was cute nonetheless! Hope you enjoy the video as much as I do :)

Some Haiti Pictures!

Here are a couple of my favorite shots from my trip in July....

Little Boy Swimming in the Dam

Looking into the Canal

Little Gangsta ;) hehe

Cutest Old Man EVER!

Still trying to figure this thing out...there are a lot more pics that I was going to post...but I'm calling this good for now :) There are more to come!